Bank

routine, see through, guns, call it from a mile, predictable, bada bling, llet ic na owa huyt lliy wa seb orfe ayo suyit an cei es lat il

thats why i carry a gun

real grown up type office jobs aren't very good. office space is almost exactly right. at least they had cubicles. i just have a desk sitting in the middle of the office where people are constantly walking around and talking (in spanish). i've been working 2 days and i've already disagreed with the big boss 2 times. i'm definitely making tomorrow 3 for 3.

i've been home too long. the only thing keeping me going is drinking all the beer and wine in the house. and even that is starting to give out. oh well i'll be gone soon enough. but jesus christ.

what we need is usually not what we want. what we expect is even sillier. we think we know something for some reason when in reality it only makes sense that we don't know anything at all. you know where you go when you die? you know why you are here? you know why al pacino thinks she has a GREAT ASS? you know what is what? no. i don't think so. you may have some thoughts on the various subjects but that is the end of it. no one knows anything. open to anything that may happen. but still standing by what you think should happen. there you go.

i just heard a couple arguing right outside my bedroom window. it wasn't so much an argument i guess as it was a girl crying and asking the guy why he made out with some other girl. what is even worse is it seems she was broken down on the side of the rode waiting for him to pick her up at 3 in the morning while he was doing it. ouch. i feel bad for the girl though. she is really upset and when she asked the guy why he did it to HER he said "i didn't do it to YOU". oucher. she should have punched him. and im not nosey its just that was right outside my window. im sitting here writing a paper so i can't help but here it.

in other news my dreams have been extremely weird and vivid lately. i imagine most people would think them disturbing but i've just been enjoying them. although one did freak me out some. i think maybe the pressure and stress of it being the end of my last semester of college may have something to do with it. also i think ive had a fever the past few days so that probably figures in as well. many of the dreams have included serious injury and death and even ghost fighting (not like ghostbusters but actually being a ghost and fighting). some topics i remember from dreams of recent include: zombies, toilet drowning, telekinesis, head bleeding from the inside blood drowning, head biting (from the zombies), time travel, future with gender roles/stereotypes reversed, me as a whore in that future, military installations, conspiracy, and helicopters.

school being done will be swell. i'm going to have to start a cult or something though because im not working.

i was camping with some friends. i don't remember who all was there. i fell asleep. when i awoke i was somewhere else. somewhere deep in the woods and very dark. but it wasn't like i woke up as much as i'd been awake but just now became aware. i was crouched down in some tall grass breathing hard and holding a knife with blood on it. i heard someone walking behind me about 20 or so yards back. i didn't know if they were chasing me and i was hiding from them, or if i was lying in wait for them, or whatever else could possibly be going on. as the steps got closer i started getting very nervous. i didn't want to run because i might have been hiding but at the same time i didn't want to stay there because i was sure they would see me. just as the steps were right on me i was at a lake and people were swinging out into the water from a rope tied to a tree. one kid in line to swing had a shirt that said "all mystery is AVG". i asked what his shirt meant and he said "all mystery is average" and looked at me like i was stupid.

dreams are strange

one day i meant to hit 2 and hit 5 instead

how to win a staredown:
have a beard
be homeless
think "knives"
hit the kick on every quarter for a couple of measures then unleash the power chords in 16ths

i had something to think about in the bathroom but forgot it by now. but imagine that it was worth your time and worth much gold. slow humming can build into a tall building of walls that are as there as they aren't. it lasts for a good time until someone looks down. then there is no floor and there is only falling. they got it right with that one. it is the way of things. some may look down and see nothing and believe there is something because they were told it is there. some may look down and see nothing and believe that nothing is all there is because it simply isn't in their sight. some may look down and see nothing and not believe in something or nothing. then they all might say at least believe in something even if it is nothing. and then you will tell them that it is not that simple. because it is not that you believe in nothing, but rather, you believe in the possibility of everything. and this is because you are wise.

bock bock begock

i had this dream one of my old friends from high school was getting married at the arena. then during the ceremony some kid punched doug in the face. acting as a sort of bouncer i guess, i grabbed the kid and took him out into the lobby. he was about to punch me as well and i just pushed him over. i lost my balance and fell over as well but used his head to cushion my fall. his head cracked open and i'm pretty sure he died.

i think the fall weather is finally coming because today i drove to campus, walked to class and then did the same thing in reverse and i didn't get sticky. that puts me in a favorable mood. after this semester im writing a book about how to park on campus without a parking sticker and not get a ticket. its going to be 400 pages all saying "park on the 4th level of the garages". in anchorage the temperature is 44 degrees of goodness. when i move there im going to start a band that consists of a bear, a fox, a husky, and myself. working isn't what i want to do at all. i can't think of a job that i would enjoy. there should be a system put into place that allows a person to constantly change jobs. so you enter the system and you are placed in some random career. for a while you are simply trained in the specific field, hands on learning type stuff helping out those who are already good at it. that would take about a year or so depending on the job. then you would actually become the real worker for about a year or two. then your last year of work also consists of training a new person and preparing to leave that field. once that time is up you are switched to a new job and the process is started all over. it would have to be with real serious careers though. like brain surgery and bear training rather than digging ditches or washing dishes.

don't watch it. or do watch it. zardoz is an experience. a shitty one. but in a way i feel like i made it through something. and that feels like an accomplishment. i don't feel like doing anything for school. school is shitty. even more so than zardoz. i want to get my degree and burn it then dig ditches in alaska for 5 years. when the five years are up i'd like to start a pirate group and start pillaging cruise ships and just straight up sinking whaling boats. we'd fix our ship up real nice with all sorts of offensive and defensive measures. maybe even have an escape submarine built in. then once we have the ship all fixed up we will donate some of our booty to deserving parties and use the rest for food and drink. if things go well we'll build a secret base underneath a secret island. we will buy the island through a front organization. the upper part of the island will be a super advanced research center that will develop alternate energies, helmets, and whatnot. there may also be a large zoo. but the zoo will be more of a refuge. there will be bears, tigers, and such. i don't really have the details worked out yet but i'm working on it.

V8 splash and rum sounds odd and tastes odder. its like something you would drink on some strange holiday that celebrates something worthless like ribbons or saints. i wrote joe up at the arena yesterday. its funny yet at the same time hilarious. he deserved it though and joe if you are reading this DAMN YOU. not really. my face is healing almost too well. its a bit dissapointing. i was hoping for a jagged scar. oh well life goes on.

when i grow up i want to be either a pirate or a writer for weekly world news. pbs has some good shows. they are for kids but are pretty odd as well. mr rodgers is nearly disturbing. reading rainbow is good because of geordi. not because he's geordi but because he seems like a cool guy. sometimes people act stupid. that is fine. but when they don't know they are acting stupid or refuse to admit stupidity it isn't fine. i wouldn't mind getting shot as long as it didn't cause permanent damage. i want to go to africa and poach poachers. as a pirate that could be arranged. i could even pick up a lion tattoo while there. one with flames.

the joke is on us not on them

i realize at this minute that i am not meant for anything other than what i am meant for and i am not meant for anything. and if i go into something else it will only be temporary. but isn't that a lesson for us all? no matter what you do it will be temporary (im taking aim at you). but fuck that (how dare you). we can make temporary mean something (no not really, the big scheme and all...). if that is our only recourse against something that may call itself god i say let's do it (come on. stop reading before you go stupid). let's break ourselves into teams (fractions at best) and jump up again to say "fuck you we do what we want" (so cute now). i can't even contemplate living any other way (you will...won't you?). i can't bow down to nothing (that is why we say "faith"). i mean...i would not worship a rock (if it saved you from a volano you would). i would not worship paper (if it held your appeal you would). and i would not worship a tool that may or may not be simliar to scissors (even if it cut your bonds?). so lets stop getting exausted over that shit (what? can you forget it?). i think a lot of what we think/say is trivial bullshit (no, that is what you (yes even you) are.). oh well i can't strike out any other time than this and at this i fall on my face (literally! haha! joke. you!). so it is up to you my desperately unhappy folks (stay comfortable) to start asking for changes (why would you?). and when it comes to the point where change won't come without fire (come on you have a/c and so many other comforts)...someone(i hope he (or she for those wimmin) is familiar) will show up with fire in hand.

they/he/she/what always do/does

lions never forget
lions are immortal
until they are killed
and so is the earth
we are poachers
no matter how smart we think we are



i didn't type that (no i/we did). well ( god/lion/tiger/mouse/beaver/exactly!/we bless).

Thats god not long good. I have headaches a lot and sleepiness constantly since i smashed my head. I think they may be related. It has already started fading away though it seems. Because of this whole incident I'm not going to drink again until tomorrow at the latest. It would be really awesome if I was part of some Truman Show type show. That way one day I could see all the stuff that happens that I forget about when I'm drunk. I just want to see the guy's reaction when I tell him I'll pee on him. I'm sure Neumann's rendition is better but still I'm curious. I want to go to some concerts but I don't like anything. In a year or so we could all be gone. Gone our seperate ways. On our way to becoming whitey and whatever else. That is kind of depressing but it just means we gotta work extra hard to kick ass while we can.


boooo growing up

you believe the bottom of the fucking pool. it does not lie. it kicked my ass. shit.

our skin gets thicker from living out in the snow.

i think it did a long time ago.

there is no yes or no. i think this. i no the yes. the facts became opinions and those became sleep. dreams became the real things (NOT FOR THEM OR US BUT FOR THE TRUTH, WHICH LIVES ALONE AND WITH EVERYTHING ELSE. IT HIDES AND CONQUERS ON A WHIM. WE ARE NOT IT AND IT IS NOT US.). ideas take charge. no questions. everything agreed in convenient lies. you don't end an album with a weak song. because that is part of our own whitey that demands. deny it and accept it. whitey is a part of you because you live it. can you live without it? i doubt it. it is hard and impossible. so how can they expect you to fight them? the truth is we have already won but we are all afraid to say yes we did it. we are all afraid to take charge becaue their world will not reward us. fuck rewards. i would not kill for rewards. what would you kill for? what would you or i die for? can dying be so bad? It can't and living can only be better. so the only answer is to shut up suck it up and live forever. that is to live so hard that it lasts forever and there is no question. but there should always be questions.

death is fine. life is fine. and everything in between is just fine. fight or stand still.

lies. lies?











and most likely lies.

whitey is everyone sometimes. right now my computer monitor is whitey the most. my eyes feel like dried up tadpoles that never made it to full frogification. dead spots right in the center that have cancer branches streaming out in all directions including brainward. cheerleaders and their moms and their coaches are straight whitey. they all need good fat face slaps because they are too far removed from reality. i would like to issue the slaps with my foot or bullets. fat dollar and rodney are whitey. not only that but neither one is a lion keeper. they are shit scrapers and will never be much more. especially fat dollar. fat dollar is a joke and must eat shit more than regular food (and that is saying a lot because that boy must eat all the time (at least whenever he isn't lusting after underage girls)). my guitar is not whitey at all. luke skywalker isn't whitey. alexander springs is not whitey (but it is held hostage by whitey). sharks are not whitey and they will bite you to prove it. whitey fears bears. bears fear nothing.

2012 is going to be crazy.

if i do, blame the arena and burn it to the ground please.

I hate socks. I never used to have a problem with them but lately i just want to burn them. They fucking suck. I also don't really like shoes. I'm starting to question underwear as well. Hats have their place but most of the time I'd rather not wear one. Now if I was going out in the snow I'd probably wear all of that stuff. At least until I got used to the cold.

I wonder how much stuff is really known and not just heard from heard from so on. I know I've gotten plenty of bogus information throughout my life from people that were sure. I'm sure I've given plenty of bogus information to people when I was sure. But sometimes you just have to say "No. Segway's are not powered by fucking gyroscopes."

Thinking about the future can be shitty or good. Imagining jetpacks with laser guns is good. Realizing we're going to be working to pay rent/mortgages and eat for the rest of our lives is shitty. Or maybe it isn't. But there is shitty in the future for sure. But I guess there is good there also. Hopefully the good gets the spotlight for at least a little while.

Sparkling is a good word and a good sound. Crisp sparkling is what I like to hear.